Use it or lose it!
The 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians is known as the love chapter. In this chapter if you substitute the word ‘charity’ for ‘love’, you will understand how this label came about. If you have never read the 13th chapter 1st Corinthians, you have really missed out on an insightful piece of Bible. In 1st Corinthians 13:1, we are told that if we profess to have the gift of speech, but not of love, we are only living for show, or to hear ourselves talk. Verse two reminds us that without love, all the learning in the world, won’t make you any smarter about life. In verse three we are reminded that if we do charitable work, done only out of obligation and not love, then God will not take notice of it. Verse four tells us that love is kind and long-suffering, doesn’t have an ego and doesn’t envy others. Verse five states that love never behaves in a shameful manner, thinks no evil, never puts itself first, and is slow to anger. Love does not find pleasure in other people’s failures, but finds pleasure in the truth. When verse seven talks about love bearing all things, believing all things, hopes in all things, and endures all things, it is describing how faithful true love actually is. Verse eight reminds us that love never fails, even if someone predicts failure, or talks negatively about it, or think they know what true love is, it shall vanish away. For these are earthly attributes and will not apply when we are made perfect in Jesus Christ. It reminds us that now, here on earth, we don’t see the whole picture, but when we’re face to face with Jesus in heaven, we will understand. Last verse reminds us that if we live by faith, with hope and love, we will be living as God commands us, but love supersedes these gifts because it outlasts them all. Love will still be the governing principles that controls all that God and his redeemed people live by. This chapter is a guideline, you might say, of the love that Jesus Christ has for us. A selfless love that does not puff itself up, or keep track of its accomplishments, but is an all-consuming love, that led Jesus Christ to the cross to die for our sins.
It all seems a little too good to be true you might say, that anyone would ever love someone with a love like that. But that’s why; Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. This is the love that took Jesus Christ to the cross to die for our sins, and give us the gift of eternal life. He is trying to explain what true love is and how we should live it on a daily basis.
Now what if we took this chapter and applied it to marriage. After all, when you find the right person you fall in love, and you get married because of that love. Somewhere along the line of our everyday living we lose track of why we fell in love in the beginning. We begin keeping score of every right and every wrong done by our spouse, and the rights had better outweigh the wrongs or there will be a high price to pay. A love that was pure in the beginning, turns to jealousy, and bitterness about anything, or anyone that takes first place in the other person’s life. We start pointing out little things that are wrong with our spouse, and need to be changed, instead of finding the endearing quirks like when we first got together. Most of the time these feelings are reflections of our own inadequacies. We think by making our spouse look small, we will look bigger in stature and character ourselves. Of course this type of behavior never works and does not benefit either party.
God designed marriage to bring us joy, companionship, and intimacy. He intended one man to be with one woman, to complete one another in a union that is sacred. No marriage is perfect, because there are no perfect people. But in a marriage you are supposed to balance each other out, where one is strong the other one may be weak, and vice a versa. This may change throughout the course of the marriage, you may reverse roles from time to time, of who has the strength, and who is vulnerable. But the way God designed marriage is with the perfect love you will share with one another that is patient, and kind, not jealous or boastful, or proud or rude. It doesn’t have to have its own way, and doesn’t keep score when things are not perfect.
There are some simple things you can do to keep your marriage vibrant, like it was when you first fell in love. Take time to do special things for one another, like little notes of love, a special smile, a complement that is heartfelt, and making each other the most important thing in your life. Spontaneity will often breathe new life into a stale relationship, like bringing home a single flower that says, “I was thinking of you”. This is not only for the man to do for the woman, but for the woman to do for the man also. It can be a candy bar, a new wrench, or anything that screams, “I thought of you today!” Make sure you have a date night, if not once a week then at least once a month. During this time leave all family problems at home, and enjoy each other’s company. Think about how you first met, what drew you to each other, and try to recapture those feelings. Sometimes simple love notes can be: I remember when we did this, or you said that, and it meant so much to me. Love and marriage is something that should go hand-in-hand, and not be a race where you are trying to out run each other. One of the most important factors in any human relationship is touch, regardless of your age, or the type of relationship. Like husband-and-wife, mother and child, and father and child. Simple holding of the hands, a pat on the back, a brush of fingertips on the cheek, can make the difference between being loved and feeling loved.
As parents, your children need to see the love you and your husband share on a daily basis. They need to recognize what true love looks like, to prepare them for the relationships they may have in the future. Romance can take many shapes and forms. One thing my husband and I like to do is drink sparkling grape juice, with some chocolates or anything else that makes us feel special. It takes us away from the ordinary and into the extraordinary. Such a simple thing can have such an influence when done out of love.
We as authors, are known for our tragic love stories. One of the reasons our love stories are tragic is because they reflect our lives, and failed relationships. The most important thing in any relationship is to keep God in the center of it, two is better than one, three is better than two, as the Bible says: a cord of three is not quickly broken.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail;
whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there beknowledge, it shall vanish away.
For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
I Corinthians 13