I married my high school sweetheart!
Don’t know how I can possibly be married 50 years when I don’t feel much older than 50 years old! That’s right, 50 years ago today I married my high school sweetheart. We had several classes together in high school, but were not drawn to each other until our senior year. Jim was what you might call a motor head, in the fact that he loved cars, antique ones the most. As a matter of fact our very first, “date” was him driving me home in his newly acquired 1934 Ford roadster. That’s where it all started, in an old antique car, and two high school seniors. It was a beautiful day in May, and the weather was perfect, luckily, because this car had no windows on the sides, only a windshield. I was nervous and excited because I did not ask permission from my parents if I could have a ride home with this boy. We took the long way home, making corny jokes to relieve some of the nervous anxiety we were feeling.
I guess if I had a nickname in school it would have been, “a holy roller” not because I went around preaching, but I did have a moral code I strictly stuck to. Jim worked all through high school at a gas station, and on his cars. Before he got the roadster, his 1938 Ford coupe was the object of his attention. I was raised Baptist, and spent most of my free time in church activities, while Jim was raised Catholic, and was at one time in his youth an altar boy. I think what you could call us would be polar opposites. Jim’s mother would have much rather seen him with a nice Catholic girl, and my parents were convinced that I would never be happy with a wild Catholic Boy. So they were intent to keep us from getting any closer after the initial date of Jim driving me home. We were drawn together much like a moth to a flame, or two magnets, or maybe it was two opposites that attracted, I am not sure what drew us together.
My parents put their foot down, and I was not allowed to see Jim anymore, they were determined to end this romance. We had graduated by now and both working full-time jobs, and resented our parents not trusting that we knew what we wanted, or what was good for us. Some of their reservation probably came from the fact that neither Jim nor I had any savings whatsoever, and absolutely no idea how we would get through life on a very limited income, but we were determined nonetheless. Jim and I did go to my pastor for counseling, and he conferred that Jim would be a good husband, although we would be facing much adversity if we decide to follow this course. So what was the alternative? You guessed it, I ran away from home, determined to be with the man I loved.
The weeks before the wedding there was a barrage of people who would come to my place of employment to take me out to lunch. During that time they would offer me bribes of going to Hawaii, going to college, etc., if I did not marry Jim. I was even disowned by one of my siblings if I went through with the wedding. October 12, 1968 finally rolled around and Jim and I were married at my grandparents’ house on a beautiful fall day. Because of their disapproval, or other obligations, none of my family members attended my wedding, except for a maiden aunt and my grandparents. If I had it all to do over again, I would not change a thing, as it cemented us in our resolve in proving to the world, we could beat the odds.
My parents did not hold a grudge, but did tell us this; we would have done anything to keep your part to save you from any hurt in the future. But now that you are married, we will do everything in our power to help you stay that way. Since that day Jim found his way into my parent’s heart becoming one of their favorite in-laws. {Up into the day of my mother’s death at 98 years old Jim and my mother had very special relationship.}
I’m not exactly sure what drew Jim and me together, but I am sure what has kept us together. It is the simple fact that I was taught: What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Has this been a perfect marriage? Have there been any hard times? Has there ever been a time when either one of us had wanted to walk out the door and never look back? The answer is yes, but we didn’t and we never will because we were both taught that marriage is forever. You will always find a circumstance that is not conducive to a happy marriage, and through no fault of your own find yourself in an intolerable position, but the Bible says: don’t let the sun go down on your wrath; Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Ephesians 4:26. That sounds like an easy statement but it is in actuality very difficult to do. It is very easy to build a wall brick by brick, with hurt feelings and misunderstandings being the mortar. The only time that wall can be easily taken down is while the mortar is still wet. If you let it dry, and add hurt feelings and misunderstandings on top of it, soon the wall will be 10 feet tall and unbreakable. This is why in God’s wisdom, he encourages you to not let the sun go down on your wrath, rather talk things through, take the wall down while the mortar is still wet.
Have Jim and I had a perfect marriage for the past 50 years? No, but we worked through every trial, (like the death of our son), every hardship, every accomplishment, and every disappointment. We will continue do that as long as God sees fit to keep us together on this earth, until we are reunited in heaven. 50 years is a very, very long time, and yet it seems like just a moment has passed.
As parents our behavior dictates what our children will look for in a life partner. Do you have to be perfect? No, but they have to see you work at keeping your marriage fresh, and staying in love with each other. Your children cannot emulate something they have never seen. Present a united front concerning discipline, and a moral code of behavior, for your children. A house divided cannot stand, and even as precious as children are, they will go to where the weaknesses is and divide and conquer. Teach them what commitment means toward God, to each other, and to family.
We as writers, are in a unique position to present love to our readers. If we continue to make love this idyllic, unattainable ooey- gooey, the sun is always shining, romantic notion, failure is intimate, in these type of relationships. Marriage is hard work, and love is often messy, inconvenient, and far from romantic. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and a good marriage ensconced in love, is no exception. We need to present it in all it’s beautiful messiness!
Whos findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Proverbes 18:22
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled:
Hebrews 13:4a
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:25
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:8-9
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11-12
Charity (love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity (love) envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
I Corinthians 13:4-5