BUT A SUBLIME HABIT
Some say that things change in cycles, or in accordance with the latest fashions or fads. It is believed that Hollywood dictates those fads or the moral standing in the country. The reason I bring this up is that in my little corner of the world I know of at least three and probably five people that are going through on the cusp of divorce. I will not sit here and try to make you believe that my marriage of 55 years has been perfect and without flaws because that would be a lie.
Can you remember what drew you to your soulmate? I know there were no lightning bolts or bells going off around me, but can you remember the feeling of excitement of the possibilities that lay ahead? What did you do to impress your significant other? I myself learned all the working parts of an engine because the person I was drawn to was what they call a ‘motor-head.’
You have to wonder if the people that are experiencing the urge to leave their marriage see a greener pasture on the other side of the fence. Have things become boring and humdrum in their marriage? Is the excitement dead and along with the excitement the love? I happen to believe the quote,” the grass is always greener where it’s watered.”
Walls between people are easily built on petty little circumstances. While the mortar of the wall is still damp it can easily be disassembled. But if you let the hurt feelings and the misunderstandings harden your heart will take dynamite to bring down that wall. Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship of any age. Corrections cannot be made if you are not communicating and telling each other of the hurt feelings or the misunderstandings. Oftentimes once the wall is built, touch is nearly impossible. The touch does not have to be sexual or intimate in any way, but studies have been done to prove touch connects people. Without connection there is no communication. Just think of how frustrated you get when your phone has no service, or ‘connection.’ It’s hard to communicate without that new appendage that you seem to rely on constantly.
I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I know how to fix broken marriages because I don’t. I know that love is not an emotion but a sublime habit. It is something you decide to do! When you are tempted by another person you decide whether or not to pursue that attraction. You also decide to be a cold fish to the person you supposedly love. These are conscious choices you are making in your life and the lives of those around you whether you realize it or not. Are you putting the other person first?
Because the world is filled with imperfect people, God gave us a road map to what true love is supposed to be, in what is called the love chapter of the Bible.
I Corinthians 13:4 -8 in these verses we are told what true love is supposed to look like.
1. LOVE [Charity] suffereth long, and is kind;
2. LOVE envieth not;
3. LOVE vaunteth not itself,
4. LOVE is not puffed up,.
5. LOVE Doth not behave itself unseemly
6. LOVE seek if not her own.
7. LOVE is not easily provoked.
8. LOVE thinketh no evil.
9. LOVE Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
10. LOVE Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. LOVE NEVER FAILETH:
When I read this I know that it is written for my benefit because, like me, most women tend to have the memory of elephants, and can not only tell you the time and the place where each infraction took place but probably also what she was wearing. We seem to think if we keep a running count that the balance will come out in our favor in the end. The problem is, it is the end! It gains us nothing by keeping track or score of our hurt feelings and what has been done to us or without us.
I can just imagine what people are saying under their breath right now that are reading this, “but you don’t understand! But he, or she did this or that, or said this or that!” But ICorinthians 13 tells us it isn’t supposed to matter. Instead of keeping score, express your feelings as it happens, don’t let the mortar dry.
We as parents must realize that the children are the broken heart of a failed marriage. How do you intend to mend their broken hearts? Love is a commitment, a thoughtful decision. Just as we choose to love our children, we should choose to love our mate. To make a marriage strong and unbreakable, God must be the third cord in this relationship, as the Bible says a cord of three is not easily broken. The greatest gift you can give your children is a life lived for Jesus.
As authors we often romanticize a look across a crowded room, or the goosebumps one person gets when they meet another. While there is nothing wrong with these feelings or emotions perhaps we should also include prayerful consideration of the actions that follow. We can be part of the problem or part of the solution, that is up to us.
God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Here in is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us.
I John 4:16-19
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Proverbs 5:18
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: I Corinthians 7:10
“Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” I Corinthians 7:27
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33